not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
