So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
