i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
