I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think your dad took our porno
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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