I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
