once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
