I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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