I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have feelings that need drinking.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
