I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
