"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
