I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
