I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
