it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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