No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
