I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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