Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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