ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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