who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
