glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
