I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
