He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
