He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
