So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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