He disabled his match.com account in front of me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
