I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
