dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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