This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
