I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize