We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Text me some of your sweat
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
