I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
