Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
