the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize