My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
