It's Friday. Sex?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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