Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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