I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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