Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
