I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's official drugs can't kill me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
