wakey wakey hands off snakey
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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