I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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