I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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