I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
