just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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