5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
