four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
