Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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