I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
