I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
