I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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