how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
