theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
