Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
