I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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