hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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