he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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