I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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