I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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