ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
