she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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